i adore health foods and become obsessive over fresh produce and all the different kinds of nuts, seeds & grains there are, not to mention the colourful array of vegetables & varieties of exotic fruits that blossom all around the world. i admire them; wishing to grow like them. if only i could plant a thought in my mind and make it thrive, and come alive so beautifully as they do. i am simply in love with the whole concept of eating naturally sourced foods from the earth, blessed by mother nature; overflowing with nutrients to fuel our body. i think it fascinating the way something can spring from the soil; the dirt, like a gift to nourish us.
only i feel so guilt ridden.
i am falling for the trick of treating calorie content as though it matters. i am lying to myself thinking i focus on nutrition more than numbers, something i desperately want, but will never be able to fathom nor understand how; a very frustrating thing. i am simply hopelessly fooling myself into believing that i am eating well whilst in reality i am slipping willingly into the grim dark grips of quiet starvation. my decaying soul contrasting harshly against a facade of the rainbow diet falsely perceived by my preparation of such foods that i never half even eat. and i get so upset about the lies spreading through me about all of it. by a precariously conducted scene of health talk that i throw around on a daily basis, none of it proves true to the reason that i am so utterly addicted to it that actually eating it is a rare occurrence, then pursues the familiar taste of feeling like a total hypocrite for gorging on junk foods that i usually criticise for being something unworthy/needless as though we need another tangible reason to satisfy being alive. and especially after being so connected to my well being through healthy eating regime obsessions, to cave like this into sweet sugary cravings fills me with a deep hatred that penetrates right to the core of my entire being. yet it sits so strangely besides my childhood fantasies of dream like junk foods made special by the rare occurrence of being able to eat them. where as now it is almost as if i abhor routine, find it distasteful even though it may be exactly what i need, yet i break it so often from to this want to shy away from associating myself with health and fitness because i am utterly lying if i can honestly say i am living one.
it is only that i am seemingly hypnotised by this delightful choice to be made of so many wonderful foods, each possessing their own magic potion if you like (i love to think of food this way) to heal, rejuvenate, energise etc like how avocados are rich in anti oxidants, combat anti ageing & how almonds help you sleep. they are all with such powerful properties it is overwhelming: organic medicine. i may be obsessive over it and adore it until my heart explodes but that does not mean i am executing my passion for a healthy lifestyle in any way and i suppose it makes me very sad that i cannot do that.
I have been writing this for over two hours and I am still not happy with it, only I am very sleepy and tired so I give up. I apologize for the lack of capital letters and disarray of punctuation.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Snowflakes & Drizzle
I woke up in a daze this morning. It would appear the rain outside has numbed my senses most profoundly. It has not stopped for days and days now, and almost as if the drizzle has blurred my vision, I need glasses. Upon a trip to the opticians I was notified of such, secretly pleased that my inner librarian could at last be released by whipping out the ultimate accessory every inhibited intellect needs. I have always wanted glasses because I have always thought of them as a hidden persona that one can wear, quite literally, whenever one wants to express themselves in a different way, as though you can be two different people at once. The dream I forever chase. I am told I am short-sighted and so must wear glasses for activities such as driving and the like; the light starts to blur in my vision and my head starts to dully ache otherwise.
I wade further and further away from the title of this post. It is rather more suited to the title "glasses" now that I seem to have given a detailed report on the ins and outs of my eyesight. I was supposed to be divulging in one of my favourite outfits for the wintry holidays where the days simply merge and melt away with the rest of the slushy snow that barely grounded. Never mind, let's hope for this drizzle to vanish and be replaced with falling snowflakes all around to match my leggings ^_^ . I have been practically living in this outfit for the past few days and believe it is to become my "go-to" outfit for the upcoming chilled months. I use that word in the true sense of the meaning as well as in the fashion of the "chilled out" demeanor that I will no doubt be accommodating in the comfort of home over the next few days.
It proves the perfect attire as it enables you to slouch around the house in comfort whilst not succumbing to the disgrace of wearing your pyjamas all day. I can leave my days of hiding away in shame when the post lady rings the doorbell behind me and instead jump in haste to answer the door with pride; what a sneaky disguise this outfit doth prove. I have my upcoming exams in just a few weeks, so you must excuse my ragged hair and weary expression, I have not been sleeping well zzz; a severe case of "the boxing day blues" has caught me unaware.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Under The Stars
between sleep awake
carolinemackinnon.blogspot.ca
carolinemackinnon.blogspot.ca
writing in my diary; reading the stars at night reminds me of you; I become confused and dazed, they call me starstruck, stargazer, I don't mind. Looking up at the infinite sky makes me feel small, tiny, dizzy, it's exactly like you make me feel but you're just as hard to read as them. I try to join them up, dot by dot, the constellations of space, yet there are so many possibilities, with you, with the stars, that I don't know which one to follow. But see, that's where you're different from them, because with you, I know. I can always follow you
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Winter
In an attempt to dispose of the assumptions that winter is a season of gloomy demeanor, rife with murky shadows, mist and rain, I have encapsulated these beautiful shots of nature in film to put those close-minded thoughts to shame. To the first snap, however, I must owe my grandfather full credit for, he's quite the hidden photographer.
- Dawn I was under the misconception that this was taken at sunset, until my grandfather informed me otherwise. It was in fact taken at dawn, sunrise, considerably early in the morning during one of my grandfathers notorious early morning dog walks. He said he heard the birds singing, chirping away, calling the sun awake, as if they were praising the suns glory in all its brightness. He said the frost was diminished in seconds after the sun had risen, melting away the coldness once there before. I wish I could have been there and I hate to go as far-fetched to say this but I shall say it anyway; it looks absolutely magical. I wish I could have been there, to feel the great rush of momentum swoosh right through me by the power of such a view, to have my breath taken away from me, gasping for air as the oxygen is knocked right out my chest from the sheer beauty that would command my being and prevail my conscience. So, here's to my grandad, because I sure a hella could notta taken this without keeling over utterly gormless.
- Twilight I squeezed my feet into some wellington boots and rushed outside to chase after a rainbow I had seen at the bottom of the garden, only to find myself more drawn to this african-esque sunset. I stood there looking at it for ages, until I was transported to Africa, feeling the tremble of the ground as the gazelles leaped around me, seeing the haze of the sticky heat buzz in the air, until I was shocked back to reality by the gloss of the winter chill. It was magnificent to see the cross over between sun and moon as dusk crept silently in. I have always found twilight a time so precious because it makes you feel like you're hanging in limbo, until the sunset overrides. It almost looks in this picture too as though the darkness is sweeping in from the right to crush the sunlight for sleep; swapping sides. To witness such wonderment from your back garden will never cease to amaze me and it was on christmas day too.
- Nightfall This was not strictly taken in winter but rather the eve eve of all hallows on a wet and windy night. It is a picture most definitely suited to the halloween holiday, effervescing in spooky shades shadowing the holiday. Technicalities aside however, it still remains worthy of this post, albeit ebbing with melancholic doom and gloom as many perceive winter to be, it has a dark beauty to it that juxtaposes the other images. I ran outside barefoot in such a hurry, still wearing my plaid pyjamas to take this, enchanted by the skeletal features of the trees that spread such wisdom cast against the dark blue sky as deep as the ocean that would occasionally spark in splendor as their electrified roots were shot with lightning. I stayed awhile, until the chill of my numb feet brought me back inside, but the glaze of the blackness spiked with colour remained in my mind forever.
- Dusk I leaned out of the window with an air of distinct hesitation to snap this shot, but it turned out perfectly so I needn't have worried. The trees are stripped bare of their accessories, whilst the rest of the garden is sprouted with shades of luscious green, bursting with the bouts of nature; unmarked by their deadened cousins. They say there is With the darkness fast approaching, the shadows of the evening are inescapable when dusk has it's promptness so very fine-tuned. The lighting captures the "inbetween" moment that is so often see in winter, when you can't quite tell if it's morning or evening and that, is beautiful. It's shrouded with mystery, winter always is.
It should not be noted that all of these pictures were impulse inspired, with no intention of taking them they more or less simply happened. The beauty of winter should never be underestimated, somewhat to my mothers dismay, yet wise words it would be worth her while remembering.
My mother always sighs when the evenings start drawing in, with the words "it's miserable" clinging to the air. This beyond defeats my comprehension, because beauty, I find, is often found in the darkest of times. Oh dear, I am desperately close to quoting Albus Dumbledore, so I better end this here.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Christmas Wishlist
Penfield Green Snowflake Beanie Hat
$32 - liberty.co.uk
with christmas looming, it's time to break out the yearly fashion wants
$32 - liberty.co.uk
with christmas looming, it's time to break out the yearly fashion wants
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Flower Power
I apologize profusely for the unoriginal title but I could not help myself.
I have always had an infatuation with the hippie style, oh what an era the sixties would have been. I am hardly channeling this look or doing it any justice apart from perhaps the flowery headband, but alas, any excuse to speak of being a gypsy.
Ever since I was little, I wanted to become a gypsy; to run away to the forests and live with the wolves, the nymphs, the elves in their magical worlds. I just had an obsession with the clothes they wore; they looked like dreamers floating on air, and the copious amounts of jewellery hanging from their necks, threaded around their wrists, beaded through their hair so that whenever they would move the sound of wind chimes echoed. It was their beauty without effort that enchanted me, their hair like vines growing in rainforests, flowers sprouting from their spiritual thoughts. Perhaps my image of them is distorted a little by watching Esmerald in The Hunchback of Notre Dame, thinking she upholds the gypsy life. Yet what fascinatedme most of all was the way that they could travel anywhere, whenever they liked. The simplicity of their lives enabled them to escape, to not stay in one place for too long. For that destroys people. I was jealous of them, it's what I've always craved.
I don't remember what happened at school today, only that I had a wondrous day.
I felt confident.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Beauty Sleep
Sheep Sleep Mask with black silk satin back and Pink Bow
etsy.com
I was counting sheep before bedtime when this woolly fluffy animal imbued the inspiration for this collection. Although I was tempted to name it something along the lines of 'Sheep Sleep Chic' I thought the latter was more fetching. Though the weather here has also played an important role in the creation of this outfit; when I sit here now, the windows are rattling as the rain lashes against the windowpanes and the entity of this old creaky house is shaking beyond belief. I find it to be simultaneously terrifying and exciting. But to abash any disbelief those of you may have over the seriousness of the matter, two people have died as a result of theses weather conditions and schools are closing due to the amass of flooding that has been caused. So, as I am stuck at home it seems, unable to get anywhere, I composed my dreamy sleepwear outfit that I would love to be wearing. Right now, I am curled up in a bundle of various duvets, blankets, cushions and quilts, sniffling at the bane of my cold.
etsy.com
I was counting sheep before bedtime when this woolly fluffy animal imbued the inspiration for this collection. Although I was tempted to name it something along the lines of 'Sheep Sleep Chic' I thought the latter was more fetching. Though the weather here has also played an important role in the creation of this outfit; when I sit here now, the windows are rattling as the rain lashes against the windowpanes and the entity of this old creaky house is shaking beyond belief. I find it to be simultaneously terrifying and exciting. But to abash any disbelief those of you may have over the seriousness of the matter, two people have died as a result of theses weather conditions and schools are closing due to the amass of flooding that has been caused. So, as I am stuck at home it seems, unable to get anywhere, I composed my dreamy sleepwear outfit that I would love to be wearing. Right now, I am curled up in a bundle of various duvets, blankets, cushions and quilts, sniffling at the bane of my cold.
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